Marui Got WHAT!
by Cheesecake579
Summary: [Total CRACK] Where DO babies come from? As Kirihara asked. Marui panicks. Niou smirks. Meanwhile, Rikkai will never be the same... [Yaoi! Really pervy!]


Marui was walking to school, on a fine sunny _perfect_ (wow, this word is not usually used in RIKKAI) day.

He sighed when he got to practice, when he was changing, Niou asked, "Yo Marui, what's with the stomach? You ate a little _too_ much this morning?"

Marui glared at him, "Shut it, Niou." He muttered as he got ready for practice.

Niou grinned and followed along.

Once outside, Marui saw Yukimura giving Akaya a pat on the head for his "beautiful" art (well, to Marui, it looked more like a scribble, but Sanada told him not to ruin Akaya's "beautiful concept of life" or as he so said).

He greeted buchou and ruffled Akaya's hair making the boy whine and complain to Yukimura.

After a few minutes later, Niou popped outta nowhere and said, "Hey Marui, were you home last night? I called you, but you never answered."

Marui yawned, "I was up all night at a friend's house, why?"

Niou gasped, "Did you do what I think you did? With who? Did you get pregnant?!" He asked.

"W-what?"

"What's going on here?" Sanada demanded, "We're supposed to be having practice." He said, _trying_ his best to at least look good in front of his idol, Yukimura.

"Marui's pregnant," Niou answered plainly.

"Oh I see…"

"Genichirou, must we say this? Marui's PREGNANT." Yanagi explained as if he was talking to a five year old.

"…Males can't be pregnant…" Sanada said.

Akaya grinned, "Yes they can!! If the stork gives Marui-sempai a baby, he can have a baby!" He exclaimed.

Niou snickered, "A stork? No, Akaya, you get pregnant by…" He trailed off saying a lot of things Akaya didn't understand.

Sanada gave Niou a Sanada Slap (trademark by Sanada himself) and said, "Of course not, my mother told me you eat baby pills."

Jackal sweatdropped, "Baby pills?" He asked.

Akaya nodded, "I see! The stork gives Marui-sempai baby pills!" he said. "But… doesn't that mean Marui-sempai ate the baby?" He gasped, "MARUI-SEMPAI IS A BABY EATER!!"

"…" Marui gave everyone a look.

Sanada shook his head, "No Akaya… you eat baby pills, they are like medicine."

"…So Marui-sempai ate baby pills?" Akaya asked.

Sanada nodded, "Yes."

Renji interrupted. "No Kirihara...actually I'll explain it to you..." and Renji went on a long tangent with humongous words that made no sense to an ordinary person. Especially to a little boy named Kirihara Akaya.

"I don't understand you!" Kirihara wailed. "Speak in smaller words Yanagi-sempai!!"

"...Ummm..." and Renji spoke in 'smaller' words...which still contained large vocabulary.

"I don't get it!!" Kirihara turned to Sanada, "Fukubuchou!!!"

Sanada was about to say something but Niou shook his head, "No! No! Marui spent the night with that Akutagawa guy!!"

"So they had a sleepover?" The Rikkai ace asked.

Niou sighed, "No! Marui and that Akutagawa guy spent the night _together_ and then Marui got pregnant!" He explained.

"So… Marui-sempai had a sleepover with Akutagawa… together because they didn't have sleeping bags? Then Marui-sempai ate baby pills?"

Sanada nodded, "Seems logical enough…"

"No! They did…" Niou went on explaining about it with detail. LOTS of detail.

Sanada covered Akaya's ears, "Niou. 4000 laps. NOW." Since he couldn't really slap Niou with his hands full.

"W-where are the storks and pills?" Akaya asked, pouting.

"There ARE no storks and baby pills, Akaya!"

Akaya looked at Rikkai's dearest buchou, "Mura-buchou… where are the baby pills?" He asked, almost in tears.

Yukimura smiled, "Niou, laps, now." He faced Akaya, "It's ok Akaya. Niou won't torment you anymore, ok?"

Marui just stared at his team, "Um… yeah…"

Sanada went on to slap Marui.

"OW. What was that for?!" Marui demanded.

Jackal gasped, "That'll kill the baby!"

"Sanada-san is a baby killer!" Kirihara exclaimed. He hid behind Yukimura. "Mura-buchou, Sanada-san is a baby killer!"

Sanada regretted what just happened because his idol will now think badly of him. CURSE YOU MARUI!

Yukimura gave Akaya a pat on the head, "Ok Akaya, just do whatever it is you second years do." He said softly.

Kirihara pulled out his coloring book from out of nowhere and started to umm… color?

Yukimura chuckled, "What a nice boy…" He said to himself not paying one bit attention that this is DEMON AKAYA we're talking about.

"...So Renji...there are no baby pills?" Sanada asked concerned.

"...There isn't Genichirou...they explain this to you in health."

"My mother excused me from that..."

Kirihara looked up, "My mother told me it was a stork..."

"My mother told me it was baby pills..." Sanada said looking grim.

Niou came back…at the worst possible moment. "I learned from naughty magazines! Here...Bratling I'll explain it to you at great depth..." and Niou procedded onto a VERY detailed (and naughty) tangent about Marui and Jiroh's night.

Kirihara repeated the phrases. "So that's what actually happened?"

"Yepp." Niou said looking proud of himself.

"Niou! Your defiling his innocent mind!" Sanada said angrily.

"I'm NOT 'defiling' I'm TEACHING him." Niou said. "He's supposed to know this by now!"

"He's 13!" Sanada said through gritted teeth. "He's too young!"

"We're 14!" Niou said annoyed. "It's not much of an age difference! One day when we're 50 you're not going to let him drink beer because he's 49!"

"I WILL NOT!" Sanada bellowed.

"You so will."

"NOT!"

"Will."

Sanada was about to slap Niou but Renji stopped him.

"Sadaharu got me pictures of Marui's night with Jiroh..." and Renji showed him the pictures.

Sanada turned bright red. So did Marui.

"WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE!?" Marui screamed.

"I have Sadaharu with me remember?"

"..."

"Can I pleeeease see?" Kirihara asked with puppy-dog eyes.

"No you can't." Niou said grabbing the pictures.

"Why?! You just said I was old enough 5 seconds ago!!"

"Yeah...but THESE are not in your age group. Now go watch Blue's Clues or something." Niou batted him away.

Kirihara didn't listen. He jumped for the pictures but Jackal stopped him.

He pouted.

"Marui...you look very sick right now..." Yukimura asked concerned. "Do you want me to get you something to eat?"

"..." Marui grabbed the pictures from Niou and burned them.

"Oh noes!" Jackal freaked out. "Smoke is bad for the baby!" and he picked up Marui gently and relocated him somewhere away from the fire. Which was like 20 or so feet away.

"Aww man..." Niou said. "I didn't get to finish looking at them."

There was a huge thud sound. Both Sanada and Yagyuu fainted.

"I think they're happy with the news." Yukimura smiled his, "I'm a pretty boy. Worship me." smile.

"But Hiroshi didn't say anything..."

"He has ears though right?"

"..."

"Ahh but I really wanted to see those pictures..."

"Don't worry Niou. I have 3 extra copies of them." and Renji took out another set of those explicit pictures.

"I'll take them." Niou said.

Yanagi handed Niou a set, "If you lose them you owe me money."

"I won't." Niou said, admiring the pictures.

Akaya pouted, "Why can't I see the pictures?" He demanded.

"Because you're too young to." Niou answered, walking away with the pictures.

Akaya was jumping behind to see it, "Mou… I only see Marui-sempai's head!!"

Marui redden and covered Akaya's eyes. "No, it's bad for your eyes, Akaya."

"WHY?" Akaya exclaimed. "I WANNA SEE!"

"Babies comes from baby pills." Sanada said, _very_ determind.

"Yes, Gen, yes it does." Yukimura said, secretly rolling his eyes.

"Babies come from storks!" Kirihara exclaimed.

"Babies comes from when a man loves another man very much they…" Niou trailed off explaining the "miracles of life."

"But… males can't be pregnant…" Jackal murmured. That's it, he's going to switch schools once the nationals are over.

"Babies come from storks/baby pills!" Sanada and Kirihara both said.

"IT COMES FROM WHEN A MAN LOVES ANOTHER MAN VERY MUCH THEY…"

Yagyuu coughed. "Everyone, it's almost impossible for males to have children…"

"In this world we can!" Niou exclaimed. "I mean, even AKAYA can have kids with enough hope and wishes!"

"I get to see a stork!!" Akaya cried.

"No, you eat baby pills."

"You get to have…" Niou trailed off with his explanations again.

Yukimura smiled at the thought of little mini-Akayas running around. Then he smiled even more thinking of mini-Marui/Jirohs running around. Life is GOOD when you're Yukimura (well, except for that surgery, life is GOOD).

Akaya pouted, "Marui-sempai wouldn't do…" He copied what Niou said. "He would find a stork!"

"But Marui eats anything, he would eat the baby pills…" Sanada said.

"He would enjoy spending the night with Jiroh." Niou argued.

"People, stop talking about my life as if I were a thing…" Marui said.

"...Well...you kinda are..." Niou said.

Marui took off his shoe and threw it at Niou. Niou being all cool as he is, dodged it.

"Why did you throw a SHOE at me?"

"There was nothing else at hand." Marui said angrily.

"Marui! It's not good to be this angry!!" Jackal said worried. "We have to get you to a doctor to make sure this baby is healthy and all the health regimens!!"

"What are you his nanny?" Niou asked.

"I could be." Jackal said looking very miffed.

DOCTORDOCTORDOCTOR

"Well..." the doctor said looking apprehensive.

"Well?" everyone else said impatiently.

"Marui-kun IS in fact...pregnant..." what were with these weirdos?

Marui wanted to kill himself, Kirihara looked awed, Jackal was squealing like a little girl, Yukimura congratulated Marui, Niou was snickering, Renji was scribbling data into his book, and Sanada and Yagyuu of course, fainted yet again.

"These kids are weirdos..." the doctor muttered to himself. "Anyways..." he coughed. "Here are the things you need to do in order to make sure you and the baby are safe, a list of foods you shouldn't eat, some yoga classes you could take, and a list of a safety precautions."

Marui looked at the list. "NO CAKE?!"

"Well...high sugar CAN be bad for a baby..."

"Would 'tennis' fall under 'rigorous exercise'?" Jackal asked.

"Yes it would..."

"NO!" Marui screamed out. "WE HAVE THE NATIONALS TO WIN!!!"

"Marui...its okay...we can fare without you..." Yukimura said. "Don't put yourself to the trouble...the only thing we want from you is to take care of you and the baby."

"B-But!"

"...Yukimura's right..." Renji said. "It's best if you take care of the baby as best as you can. Leave the nationals to us."

The doctor wanted to really leave. Why couldn't he own a bakery like his sisters and mother? What was wrong with him?!

"I CAN'T OVEREAT?!"

"Well it is _bad_ in general to overeat..."

"B-but!" Marui whimpered.

"Marui." Yukimura said sternly. "Don't you want the baby to be healthy?"

"Well..._yes_...but..."

"Then listen to what the doctor says!"

"By the way..." Niou said in mock concern. "How far is he into the pregnancy?"

"...About...1-2 months..." the doctor said. He really wanted to buy a bakery RIGHT NOW.

"Can you tell if it's a girl or a boy?" Jackal asked eagerly.

"No its too early...maybe in another month or so..."

"What are you going to name it?" Niou taunted. "Jiko? Jiroh Jr.? Maruko? Mako?"

Marui took off his other shoe and threw it at Niou. And Niou dodged it again.

"Look at his moodswings go!" Niou taunted. "Pretty soon he'll be all over us!"

"Niou!" Yukimura said sharply. "Stop that! All that anger on him is unhealthy for him and the baby."

"Marui-sempai!! Did the stork hate you? Is that why he didn't let you eat cake and play tennis?" Kirihara exclaimed.

Marui gave Kirihara a really, extremely scary glare. Yes, it was scarier than Akutsu's, Sanada's, Tezuka's, Niou's, and even Kirihara himself.

"The baby pills get bad side effects…" Sanada said.

The doctor really, REALLY wanted to leave. He looked at Sanada, this guy must be like, 18 or something. What's with baby pills? He handed Sanada a pamphlet about pregnancy. "Here, I think you _really_ need this."

Sanada opened the pamphlet, "…Babies are made by…" He looked at it for a good minute.

Kirihara made a grab for it, "I WANNA SEE!" He cried. Curse Sanada for being taller than him!

"Guys, let's go." Jackal said, pulling Kirihara by the collar.

FOODFOODFOODFOODFOOD

"Now, now Marui. You can eat all of this." Yukimura said, pointing to some random pieces of food.

Marui stared at it. He stared at it some more, no matter how much he stared at it, it didn't look like food. Nope. Not AT ALL. "What is this…_thing_?" Nope, it didn't deserve to be called food.

"Food." Yukimura replied. He turned to Akaya. "Now, now Akaya. Don't swallow all of your cake and parfait at the same time. I don't want you choking."

Marui watch his kouhai as he swallowed a whole chocolate parfait down with one gulp. He used to do that…

"But Mura-buchou! It tastes good!" Kirihara cried as he took another bite of his cake.

Yukimura smiled, "Akaya, I have plenty of money. At first, I was going to treat Marui to this if he stopped spitting gum all over the courts, but since he's pregnant, you can have eat his fill, Akaya." He gave Akaya a pat on the head.

"I hate you, Akaya…" Marui muttered as he ate the _thing_.

Niou smirked, "Poor Marui." He slowly ate his food when Marui was staring at him. "Wow, this food is so good!"

Yagyuu smacked Niou on the back of the head, "Don't taunt Marui-kun."

Kirihara finished his food. "I wanna see the baby, Mura-buchou! Why does he want to live is sempai's stomach? Isn't it all… yucky?"

Niou smirked, "Babies don't come from the stomach… they come from…" He was wacked before he finished. "Mou Hiroshi, that hurts…"

Kirihara crawled over to Marui and poked his stomach. "Are you in there?" He asked, still poking.

Marui stared at Kirihara with his, "WTF are you doing?" stare. He pushed Akaya off, "Don't touch me." He said.

"But I wanna know if the baby is in there!" He pulled up Marui's shirt. Yes, he's just THAT childish.

Marui almost shrieked and pushed Akaya. "WAHHH! I WANNA SEE THE BABY!" He yelled.

"NO!"

Kirihara look at Marui's stomach. "Hello?" He poked it. "Helloooooo?"

Suddenly he was pushed off. "OW!" Marui cried.

"MARUI-KUNNNN!!! HOW ARE YOU!!! IS MY BABY OK???" Jiroh asked.

Marui stared at him. Suddenly he made a lunge for him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! MARUI-KUN'S TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!"

"YOU ARE THE REASON I'M PREGANT YOU-YOU...THING!" Marui pulled on Jiroh's head.

"Marui!" Yukimura said very alarmed. "You can hurt yourself and Jiroh-kun!!"

"I DON'T CARE!! HE'S THE REASON WHY I SUFFER RIGHT NOW!!!!!" and he tugged even harder on poor Jiroh's head.

"AHHH!! I THINK MY HEAD MIGHT FALL OFF!!" Jiroh grabbed his head hoping it wouldn't fall off.

It took at least 15 minutes to get a pregnant Marui off of a poor suffering Jiroh. It took this long because Niou was 'being a butt' in Kirihara's case because he got 'easily distracted'. Way to go Niou.

Yukimura was calming down Marui while Jiroh was trying to find out if his head fell off yet.

"There, there, Marui. Don't worry, just be careful for a while, ok? We don't want you hurt." Yukimura said calmly.

"Y-Yukimura, for once someone thinks of me rather than the baby… I'm… kinda happy." Marui said, getting _very_ emotional.

Niou snickered, "Mood swings…" He said. Then he realized something when he saw a woman pass by. He turned to Marui, "Hey Marui, how are you going to feed your child?"

"By the mouth?" Marui asked.

"No, I mean. How do you feed it without… _womanly parts_?" He asked.

"Niou, the baby isn't an it." Yukimura commented.

Marui redden, "Are you a perv?!" He exclaimed, making everyone in the restaurant stare at him (not that they weren't staring before).

Kirihara looked up from his chocolate ice cream, "Womanly parts?" Yes, if this was a manga, we would see question marks on top of his head.

"You'll learn later in life Akaya." Yukimura said, giving the boy another pat on the head.

"If he doesn't marry a boy?" Niou asked. "Ne, Marui, you should get plastic surgery!"

Marui gave him a glare, "I'm _not_ losing my manliness for a baby." He stated.

"Marui-kun, you're having a child, you're not manly if you're pregnant." Yagyuu stated.

"I so _am_ manly! No man can take the pain of having kids, so HA!" Marui exclaimed.

"Marui-kun is girly!" Jiroh exclaimed, "That's why he would never top me."

"…" Silence, only Niou's laugh was heard, and BOY was Niou laughing hard. Tears were streaming down his face from laughing. Yes, we know, his humor is odd.

"I don't get what sempai-tachi means…" Akaya said. "Marui-sempai is better in tennis than Akutagawa, why is he never going to top him?"

"That's because Marui's too girly to be manly to be top." Niou explained in one breath. He was still wiping tears from his eyes. "Anyways… Marui, how _are_ you going to feed your children?"

"Ummm…" Marui shrugged.

"Haha, if you get plastic surgery I would laugh. I mean, YOU with boobs." Niou went on laughing loudly.

Jiroh was awed. "I WANNA SEE THAT!" He exclaimed.

"I WANT MORE ICE CREAM!" Akaya shouted.

"Niou-kun, stop being so rude to Marui-kun. Giving him stress will probably make it hard on his baby."

"Oh! Oh! Marui-sempai would have a deformed baby because the stork hates him!" Kirihara cried.

"Yes, that's exactly right Akaya. Now eat your cake." Yukimura said.

"Wheeeee! I'm so smart!" Kirihara said as he took another bite from his cake.

Meanwhile… Sanada and Yanagi were sitting away from everyone. Why?

Because Sanada was having a brain melt down.

"Genichirou, are you ok?" Yanagi asked for the thousandth time.

"Babies aren't made from baby pills?" Sanada had asked the millionth time.

"No, Genichirou, they are made by…" Yanagi went on explaining the miracles of life in a string of extremely complicated words.

"So no baby pills? Why did mother want to hide that from me?"

"Because Genichirou, in her eyes, you're still that little first year that played tennis and had no care in the world." Yanagi replied.

"…I knew that all along." Sanada said.

"Sure you did. Sure you did." Renji said, secretly rolling his eyes.

"Marui-sempai..." Kirihara said uncertainly.

"Yes my stupid useless kouhai..." Marui said grumpily.

"You're dripping..."

"Eh?"

Everyone looked under the table. True to word, there was water all over the floor...surrounding Marui.

"I think your water broke..." Yagyuu said quietly.

"Shouldn't we get him to a hospital?" Yukimura asked.

"I'll call a taxi." Renji said popping up out of nowhere.

"SUGEE!! MARUI-KUN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE YOUR BABY NOW!!" Jiroh said excitedly. "I'LL BE WITH YOU FOR THE WHOLE ENTIRE WAY!!"

"NOOOO!! IT'LL BE BETTER WITHOUT YOU!!"

"The taxi's here..." Renji said. How did the taxi come so fast? We don't know.

"...Marui..." Niou asked.

"WHAT?!" Marui snapped.

"Aren't you supposed to be freaking out right now?"

"Why?"

"Cause...when your water breaks, THE BABY IS COMING OUT NOW! NOT LATER, NOT TOMMORROW, NOT IN 2 MONTHS! NOW!!! OUT OF YOUR-"

"Niou that's enough..." Yukimura said shoving a biscuit into his mouth to shut up our beloved trickster.

It suddenly hit Marui.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Marui ran around screaming like a lunatic. "I CAN'T HAVE A BABY NOW!! I WANTED AN ABORTION!!!!"

"It's too late if you're going to have the baby now..." Yagyuu said.

"...What's happening buchou?" Kirihara asked.

"Marui's going to have a baby now."

"NOOOO!!!!" Marui ran around screaming. Jackal was trying his best to do his part as the 'nanny' but it wasn't working too well.

"Marui! You have to go into the taxi!! We have to go to the hospital!!"

"I WANT AN ABORTION!! NOW!!"

"It's too late Marui..." Renji said. "The baby is due to come out within an hour..."

This made Marui stop, which of course Jackal could carry him and throw him (gently) into the taxi. Yukimura, Renji, Niou, Kirihara, Yagyuu, Jiroh, and Sanada attempted to climb in, but the taxi was too small to fit them all.

"Ya gotta throw some kids out," the taxi driver said to Yukimura.

Yukimura looked at them all. They all gave him puppy eyes in return. That is besides Renji and Sanada. Yagyuu had glasses so you really couldn't tell.

Yukimura smiled.

He threw all of them out of the taxi besides Renji.

"Walk to the hospital! We'll meet you guys there!!" Yukimura called out of the window.

"B-but!!" Jiroh whined. "I'm the dad! I wanted to see my child be conceived in front of my eyes!!"

Sanada sighed. He resignedly walked in the direction the taxi sped off. He really didn't want to see a squirmy baby.

HOSPITALHOSPITALHOSPITAL

Marui was on a stretcher screaming in pain.

"BUCHOU!!! I THINK I'M GOING TO DIEEE!!!"

"Breathe in...breathe out..." the doctor really did not want to do this anymore...seeing a boy give birth was NOT on his list of 'Things to do before I die.' It was more on the list of, "Things that if I see I WILL die." WHY DIDN'T HE OPEN A BAKERY?!

"I'M GOING TO DIE RIGHT NOW AND LIFE WILL BE OVER!!!! NOOOO!! I NEED TENNIS!! OR POCKY!!!"

"I'LL GET YOU POCKY, MARUI-KUN!!" Jiroh shouted, crashing through the door.

Kirihara followed along, once he saw Marui, his eyes grew wide with AWE. "Oh my gosh!!! COOOOOOOOOOL!!!" He pointed to Marui. "Why is he like that? Does he have to get surgery? Are you going to cut his legs off?"

Yukimura shushed Akaya and pulled him to the seat next to him while Jiroh was standing next to Marui, acting as if the tensai was going to DIE.

"Mura-buchou! Mura-buchou!! Why was Marui-sempai like that? Would that happen to me? Is the stork in his tummy? How can they take the baby out?" He bombarded the Rikkai buchou with questions.

"I'M GOING TO DIEEEE!!! AND IT'LL BE ALL YOUR FAULT, JIROH!!!!!" Marui was practically screaming his head off. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!—"

He was stopped short when the baby, or rather, BABIES got out and the doctor said, "…Kid, it's out."

"I'M SO GOING TO –BLEEP-ING KILL YOU JIROH!!!" Then it hit him, "…Oh… I knew that."

"SUGEE!!!" Jiroh exclaimed looking at the baby.

Kirihara ran to Marui. "MARUI-SEMPAI!! Was that fun? Can I try? How do I get a baby stuck in my tummy? How did it come out? How come the baby looks weird? Why is it that small? How come you look so wiped out? How did it come out of you?"

"…This is the moment of my life that I _really_ didn't want to go through… I'm a MAN, darn you! Why do _I_ have to go through this? And WHY does Akaya have to ask me so many questions? Why is the door open and why are people taking notes?!"

"Well, you ARE one of the rarest people on earth now since you can give birth…" Yukimura said.

Niou came in with a smirk, "Whoa… So did I miss the baby?"

Yanagi nodded. "Yup, every moment, but luckily I got it taped on my awesome camera that can film everything awesomely." He held up his camera just to prove it.

Niou smirked, "Can I have a copy after you're done?"

"Of course."

"Niou-sempai!!" Kirihara exclaimed. "Why did Marui-sempai do that? Why was his dripping? How did the baby come out?" He asked all his questions to the trickster.

"Well, where to begin Akaya?" Niou said smirking.

Yukimura sighed, "Niou, don't scar Akaya's mind." He walked off towards the other two.

"Congratulations Marui-san," The nurse said, "You have twins."

"Wow… and all this time I thought I had ONE kid…" Marui mumbled sarcastically.

"You have one boy and one girl," The nurse said, at least _trying_ to be happy.

"…"

"YAY!" Jiroh cheered for him. "Ok! The girl will be Maruko! The guy can be… JIROH JR!"

"…ok! I gave birth to the kids, I WILL not call my child JIROH JR!" Marui screamed.

"Mou… But I wanna…" Jiroh said.

"SHUT UP!" Marui yelled.

"Awww, you're acting like a couple already…" The Buchou of Rikkai said as he walked into this "heart-warming" room.

"WE'RE NOT A COUPLE!!" Marui screamed.

The babies started to cry. REALLY LOUDLY. The nurse decided to hand them to Marui.

"WHAT DO I DO WITH THEM?!" Marui exclaimed.

"I don't know… breast feed them?" The nurse asked, totally forgetting Marui_ can't_ breastfeed them. "I have other people to deal with…" and so, she left.

"WAIT! THIS ISN'T HOW A HOSPITAL SHOULD BE LIKE!" Marui screamed. "SHOULDN'T THIS SCENE BE LESS SHOUT-YER AND MORE NICER?"

TIMESKIPTIMESKIPTIMESKIP

"No! Don't run in there! No!! Don't eat that! We still have dinner soon!"

Papers rustling.

"Jiroh! Take care of the kids!"

"Mou…I don't wanna!!" Jiroh whined. "I wanna eat my mousse pocky in peace!"

"Maruko! No… no!! Take that pencil out of your brother's hair!" Marui exclaimed. "Jiroh! Do something about Maruko!"

"But… I want to eat mousse pocky!" Jiroh cried.

Marui glared at his so called, "husband" and snatched the pocky away from the boy. "You can eat it later."

"Momma! I WANT THE POCKY!!" Screamed the small, straight blond haired girl, Maruko.

"No Maruko!! You can't have the pocky!" Marui said.

"Why momma?" Juroh asked. He had curly pink hair.

"It's for me!" and Marui shoved it into his pocket.

"…MOMMA'S GONNA GET FAT!!!" Maruko chanted along with her brother.

"Oh god, why me…" Marui mumbled to himself. "Why don't you help Jiroh!?"

"MARUI-KUN!!! I want my pocky back!!!" Jiroh sobbed.

"…" At that moment, Marui began to wonder why he was standing there, with a whiny Jiroh sobbing at his feet, and two kids running around him chanting that he's going to get fat.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Juroh exclaimed, tugging on Marui's shirt. "Can Niou-oniichan come today? Can he, mommy? Can he?"

"Yeah! Can we stay with him, momma? Can we?" Maruko joined in.

"Why do you two find Niou so amazing anyways?" Marui asked.

"Because Niou-oniichan is the sweetest, cutest, handsomest, prettiest, awesomest, person on earth!!" Maruko exclaimed gleefully.

Juroh nodded, "I want to be like him when I grow up!"

"Believe me, kids, you don't want to be like him…" Marui said to himself.

"He teaches us weird stuff sometimes though!!" Juroh said. "One time, he show me this magazine of this guy and…" He trailed off talking about the picture.

Marui twitched, "Oh did he?" He said angrily.

The twins nodded.

"He's not going to live another day… that guy…" Marui muttered, "No wonder he does this for free… he likes ruining the innocence of kids… like me when I was little…"

KIRIHARA'SHOMEKIRIHARA'SHOMEKIRIHARA'SHOME

"Ne," Kirihara said at the dinner table. "Did you and kaa-san make me by doing…" He trailed off with Niou's explanation about life.

Kirihara's poor mother started to coughed heavily. His sister had to pat her back a couple of times. The demon's father started to leave the table.

"Ne, Akaya, if you _really_ wanna know then why don't you just get yourself a girlfriend and…" She had a mischievous smile.

Akaya pouted, "But I don't wanna have a squirmy baby living inside my tummy like Marui-sempai…"

"Wow, have you considered moving to a normal school like Fudomine?"

"…no, but I heard Jackal-sempai had thought about it once…"

"…"

Kirihara went back to eating his dinner with his pair of chopsticks which had teletubbies on them.

"Akaya-chan..." his sister said.

"Don't call me 'chan' I'm not a little kid anymore..." Kirihara pouted.

His sister ignored him. "Don't be surprised if you find yourself without your clothes chained to some Yamabuki kid's bed okay?" she smiled.

"...In chains...?" Kirihara peered at his sister.

"No...just saying..." she put a piece of rice in her mouth.

"...Without my clothes...?" Kirihara looked horrified.

"Hey...it COULD happen right?"

"...B-but why without my clothes?" Kirihara whined.

"I don't know...does 'in your boxers' make you feel better?"

"Kinda...at least I'm not THAT naked!" Kirihara grinned. "I mean that person can't take it off right?"

"...You don't know wrong you are little boy..." his sister muttered.

After dinner was over and his parents 'retired' for the night, Kirihara was still confused about what his sister had told him.

"I think I should call up buchou..."

Meanwhile his sister retired to her room.

"Am I thankful my hair isn't THAT long..." 'she' muttered.

"How did it go?" someone asked.

"Very well in fact..." 'she' smirked.

"Good job Niou-kun...now we just have to contact Sengoku-kun..." Kirihara's real sister said smiling evilly.

"Just wondering..." Niou asked.

"Hmmm...?"

"How do you girls live with boobs? Don't they get in the way?" Niou poked hers.

SMACK.

Niou silently climbed out of the window with a big stinging red hand mark on his face.

"Geez...it was just a question..." he muttered.

KIDSKIDSKIDSKIDS

"No!!! Juroh!! Don't throw crayons around the house!!" Marui yelled. "Jiroh!! Help me dammit!!"

Jiroh was too busy asleep. Maruko was drawing on her father's face.

Marui hesitated. Should he stop Maruko or leave her alone?

He would leave her alone. Let Jiroh wake up with random scribbles on his face for all he care.

"Juroh, it's dinner time ok? Let's go get you something to eat while Maruko finishes drawing on daddy's face." Marui announced.

ENDENDENDENDEND

DB2000: How'd you like this extremely long story? XD We worked on it for a few days… lol. At first, this was SUPPOSED to be a story about why Kiriyama WASN'T going to be in the next Myu. Yes, it's because Marui's secretly pregnant. XD You know it's true.


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